Just My Life

I was born in 1957. Last year, after years filled with failed relationships and marriages, I found myself content where life had brought me. So what if I would never have another personal relationship or marriage I had grown content and happy. I had a successful career, two great daughters, and two wonderful grandchildren. Life was far from perfect but I felt in a really good place emotionally and spiritually. I had been conversing with a long time friend so knew her husband had acquired a new friend, recently divorced. I’m not sure she thought he was the best person for her husband to hang with but at some point the two men thought it might be fun to join in on one of our “girls” weekends. So as fall approached we all found and agreed on a weekend early in October. Before I go on let me tell you why I grew discontent with the idea of dating and marriage. There is a quote that seems to forever run through my head: The one charm about marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. -- Oscar Wilde. It’s the part about deception. I believe deception begins when couples date. My recent years of contentment grew from the ability to be myself, me, all my warts, bumps and weird humor. I no longer had to endure a dinner or lunch or any meals across from someone I wanted to get to know and yet spending far too much time peeling away their layers. Or being so up front about who I am that I was informed I couldn’t be real. Or realizing the guy across from me just wants to get laid regularly…geez really. I am so thankful for “Lovers” store and all their many gadgets. Could that deception begin so early that it signals the end before couple even begin? We become so worried about looking a certain way, sounding a certain way, we lose sight of what’s important. Do we really want to date let alone spend years with someone that may not like us if they see the real us? And yet so many have, so it isn’t surprising when it all comes to a screeching halt or I hear men making disparaging remarks about their long term spouse. I had a lengthy discussion with a man about menopause, my take on it is that women use it to create distance from a partner they no longer want to be intimate with. And as for the men, when is the last time you held her hand, or felt passion, or met her needs? Or has her body and attitude changed so much you’ve allowed a wall to be created between you? So I’m resurrecting my blog. I’m dedicating it to all who wish to resurrect their lives and discover true intimacy again, without sacrificing their identity in the process.